At the hospital in May 2010:
Some questions arising in silent moments, in moments in which I raise my consciousness and look to the global situation of children.
Not only that children have “accidents” to leave this world or die because of severe illnesses. What is with all the childrern who die because of starvation, because of bad drinking water, because of war, because of situations mankind creates on earth ..?
The tears I cried and cry for my son I cry for all the children on earth.
The pain I feel, looking to this situation is so deep that I have the wish to protect my soul and heart. And then came the shock, I did this already a long time ago, I closed my heart when I was a child and I did this again and again, it became the way to adapt to the world of the adults. The pain and the mourning of my heart is much older.
My parents have this pain, the generation before them – pain is a historical fact passed down from generation to generation. And interesting enough it feels like I am guilty for the pain, it came because of my sins, my wrong behaviour. I have internalized the judge about myself. And it feels like being absolut helpless, not able to change anything. Not able to change the conflict. Because of my pain I accuse and condemn myself or others!
Because of my pain I cause pain!
Now I am about to do this again, really …? I do not want to do this again.
Especially not as a consequence of Joao´s death and in the face of so much dying children.
I no longer can claim that someone else is responsible for my pain, for my thinking for my words and actions. So I have to release this pain to free the way for my loving heart. I have to wake up from this dark dream. Now I can cry about and for myself and what I did to others with the intention to protect my heart.
The pain I feel for Joao is the same pain I feel for myself. My pain is the pain of the world.
02.06.2011
Last week I went for a memorial time to Lisbon. I threw flowers in the sea at the place we put the ashes to the sea. I met the leader and a former coworker of the preschool for a talk and a look back to this year. I told them about my thoughts and feelings in this time.
I made a look back to the time in Colombia:
Considering my experiences and feelings I would say that the decision to go to Colombia was wrong. I was not stable enough to deal with what I saw and my inner state in a good way. During the organisation I pushed the feelings away, to be able to work. After this time I felt that I have 2 weights to carry in my soul and my inner cry was echoing and circling around the mountains and valleys of my soul without being expressed properly in time and space. The feeling of weakness is less but still carrying on and slowly I find time to express the important pictures, the different layers between heart and soul. There is one other important thought with the decision to go to Colombia: It could have been the absolute right thing to it in this way, with this compassion and gratitude inside.
The next day I met Vanda.
klauswuttig 
touching, true and profound
…allowing ourselves to get in touch and feel this sort of deep pain is itself an act of love and self-empowerment…in the way you describe it
love isn’t the sweet, romantic, juicy, soft energy, only – it’s THE power
of the source, of who we are, of creation
…”embrace the cycle of life: that is the greatest love”…
it’s time to awaken to this truth, heart by heart
and so we are
thank you for opening and sharing, klaus
greetings from the heart!
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Nothing lasts forever, no one lives forever, the flower that fades and dies, winter passes and spring comes, embrace the cycle of life: that is the greatest love. GO BEYOND FEAR Beyond fear takes you into the place where love grows, when you refuse to follow the impulses of fear, anger and revenge. BEYOND MEANS TO FEEL YOURSELF Start every day singing like the birds – singing takes you beyond, beyond, beyond, beyond We need a repeated discipline, a genuine training to let go our old habits of mind and to find and sustain a new way of seeing. GO BEYOND THE RIGHTS AND THE WRONGS Prayer clears the head and brings back peace to the soul. GO BEYOND TO FEEL THE O.N.E.NESS OF THE UNITY Sing–singing takes you beyond, beyond, beyond, beyond We are all the same, all the same, looking to find our way back to the source, to the ONE, to the only ONE. GO BEYOND REVENGE The greatest moment in our lives is when we allow us to teach each other. GO BEYOND TO FEEL THE O.N.E.NESS OF THE UNITY Sing – singing takes you beyond, beyond, beyond, beyond TAKE THE JOURNEY INSIDE OF YOU To become quiet to hear the beyond. To become patient to receive the beyond. To become open to invite the beyond and be grateful to allow the beyond. Be in the present moment to live in the beyond. Start every day singing like the birds–singing takes you beyond, beyond, beyond, beyond WHAT DOES LOVE HAVE TO DO WITH IT? LOVE grows when you trust. When you trust LOVE heals and renews. LOVE inspires and empowers us to do great things and makes us a better person to love. LOVE makes us feel safe and brings us closer to GOD. When you go beyond that’s where you find true love. Keep singing – singing takes you beyond, beyond, beyond, beyond
TINA TURNER INSPIRED BY DEEPAK CHOPRA AND RUMI
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